I would tell her to not pay much attention to what other girls are saying. Especially the friends she has now. Young girls are self-absorbed fools. Although, there is nothing wrong with being a fool, because you can eventually become wise.
Self-absorption, however, takes needing an ass-kicking.
I would say, do more of what you want. Be comfortable being lost for a while. Quit pretending you don’t care if people like you.
You’re a Leo, goddamit.
I would tell her that I’m glad she is not wishy washy (even after all this time) – but a polarizing personality is death to any young lady’s social calendar (and friend contact list). Therefore, I would say, getting along with other people is easier than you think.
Liking them is only an option.
Don’t be so rigid with others. Other people are not as strong as you are, you may be weaker than others. The world is harsh enough, so don’t be so harsh with others. Let their rough edges smooth against the calm, steadfast coolness I know you have. I would tell her to tow the line in being genuine with others. It may be the only niceties some of the grumpier people you meet will ever have.
Remember what your mother said, “People may not always remember what you said to them, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel.”
Take heed in how you affect others.
I would tell her to remember that being good and kind is not an endeavor for the weak-willed (you are nice – in fact, I know you are kind.) And, smile more.
I would say do not begrudge others. Or, be envious of things you can achieve for yourself (smarts and prettiness are practically free). My conversation would veer into reminding her that beauty is simultaneously relative, fleeting and romantic.
Do not trifle with the first two and strive to always embrace the last. I would shortly rant only by telling her to not be tricked into believing she wants the sycophancy others bestow on the pretty ones of this world. A beautiful woman is nothing without confidence (and maybe a good pair of shoes).
So strive for confidence, not for beauty (although the occasional indulgence is fine – you know you love to shop).
Her endless mental juggles of thinking she’s not “good enough” are actually fears of being mediocre, terribly uninteresting and mind numbingly ordinary.
But, then I would ask her:
Why do you loathe the ordinary?
She wouldn’t give me an honest answer, but in response, I’d say: be happy that you are loved.
This is not cliché. From what I’ve found, girls who love their mothers (and fathers) are the best people to know. They are nurturing, but no-nonsense. I would tell her be leery of girls who openly and wantonly bad mouth their mothers: they make terrible friends.
Popularity does not equal value – do not think of your worthiness in terms of what you don’t have or what other people are acknowledging about you. You are smarter than that. You are better. You are.
I couldn’t help but remind her that the judgmental, catty attitude comes from being burned so badly by others – she developed a system of quickly assessing someone else’s merit to keep from getting hurt.
But you still got hurt.
I’ll tell her that though she became wiser, perhaps, she definitely got a little less friendly. Even isolated. She wanted friends. She needed friends. But was never very good at picking them out. So, she retreated to her dorm room or cubicle or books.
When she got hurt, she was passive. When she was really hurt, she got passive aggressive.
I would hesitantly discuss her habit of dropping relationships like the proverbial hot potato. And, I would wince while foretelling how karma will come to bite her in the ass… and everywhere else. I would say, be careful about haphazardly deleting friendships – not everyone should be “discarded” so easily.
My older self would harp on how being hard on yourself is OK, if it serves a purpose to jumpstart change. Otherwise, it becomes a torturous exercise in demoralization and self-abasement. And, you are too beautiful and smart to do that to yourself. This endless fight you have with your self-esteem should end now, And, moments of self-doubt should just be that.
Moments.
This world – this life – is too exciting and gorgeous and short to be spending clock hours wondering if you have what it takes to come next.
I would tell her that being fabulous to a select few people in your corner of the Earth is more marvelous and appealing than being mildly interesting to a brute force of 400 (Facebook friends and Twitter followers included).
It is true. Believe it. You better.
But, my younger, know-it-all self would nod (out of respect for an elder because that is what she was taught to do – her momma raised her right). She would say with a sleek smile, “I know, all you’ve said is good and true.”
Then, she’d promptly go back to her high-falutin, self-absorbed, liquid thin self-esteem havin’ ways.
Yet, she would still learn because there is no other way.