Do You Feel Competent?

Every morning, after the F leaves for work, I get up and putter around the condo planning out the myriad of tasks I can perform for the day.

We bought a white erase board so that I could throw up random “to do” lists and cross them out. I want to feel like I’m accomplishing something by X-ing something off a list.

Accomplishment, for me, is having stuff finished.

But, I don’t feel very competent these days. And, there is a difference. Competence is about knowing you are good at something. Competence is about knowing that whatever talent you put to task,  the work will be good. The results will be proof that you know what you are doing.

Are you able to produce results? How good are you at actual execution?

Execution is the key to competence – and confidence.

So, how am I evaluating my own competence? I read once that people who do not think they are good at what they do (like success or leadership) don’t change their opinion even when they are shown evidence to the contrary.

Their own self-image overrules any possibility that competency exists.

How is my own self-image ruining my ideas of competency? In every way possible.

My search long and far for a job is not yet over. I own a house, but sometimes I wonder if that was the right decision for me.  I am not eating as healthy I once did. Handling the very basics of survival (a job, shelter and health) seem like clumsy and foolish attempts at getting everything right.  Or, wrong.

I can change those things – but only if I hold myself accountable.

Therefore, I’m not sure if my definition of competence is correct or very satisfying. It’s based on results and measurements that don’t play in my favor.

And, if you want to be competent, you have to feel competent.  But, I’m not sure where to start or where to end. I do know I want to feel able – more accomplished at doing more. But, more seems like so much, I don’t know what it means.

I don’t know. Really, I don’t. And, perhaps that is what makes me a little less competent.