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I once was told I wasn’t wife material.

Which is kind of odd since the jerk who said it asked me to marry him 3 months earlier.

Unfortunately, his words made me question the aspect of what it meant to be “marriage material.” Quite simply, I thought anyone interested in commitment and love was marriageable. Apparently, I was wrong. Marriage is for all sorts of things and the last (and least) bits demand commitment and love.

It’s an infinite list of to-do’s, must-do’s, have’s and have not’s. I found I was somewhat lacking, as probably most of us are in some way.

Why is this?

Because we are not perfect marvels of the universe…and never will be.

So, maybe instead, marriage should only be for people who are good at it. And, since only 50% of us can be good at it – the odds are pretty high we’ll screw it up. Therefore, no marriage for anyone and everybody can be a mix of blended and extended families, adopted uncles, 2 moms and civil unions.

Marriage is not for the perpetuation of the species – it’s for the perpetuation of life insurance benefits, (un)stable domesticity, shared utility bills, baby weight, health care, pre-prepared meals and someone beating you to the punch on letting you know about your forehead wrinkles.

Sex is the only guarantee that life will go on.

And, even that is becoming outdated.

The idea of love and marriage has changed, but only for the perverse. They are not a package. Your soulmate won’t necessarily be your wife and your husband can just be a domesticated roommate. They are parallel, separate and you are lucky if you find both. It’s the last gallop into adulthood before you become a full-blown grump after having children. Besides purchasing a home (NOT!) and having a kids (PLEASE SEE BRITNEY SPEARS) – marriage is the easiest thing you can do to establish your grown-upness. You’ve suitably demonstrated that instead of picking someone, you can pick “the one.”

I’m not saying marriage is easy. It’s just easy to do. Fly to Las Vegas on Tuesday morning and be considered an old married couple by Wednesday at noon.

Marriage is a big joke somewhere. Especially in Las Vegas.  We take it so seriously, we’re willing to call the whole thing off in a matter of months (or hours). And, for something that’s supposed to last forever, the expiration date is starting to look a little iffy.

It used to be that divorce was the head-shaking bad news your grandma would whisper about at Jell-O and Tupperware parties. Now, you can celebrate your newly predicated singleness with fondant cakes, pinot grigio and dance halls.

Divorce: it’s the happiest taboo.

Everybody talks about the opportunities a break up (read: divorce) opens. Life will unquestionably change. Visions of the future are now crafted like never before. You are free from the albatross of a spouse around your neck.

On the other hand, marriage seems to add responsibilities while shutting others down. Life is now evenly calibrated with someone else’s steps (and missteps). People dive headlong into this pool again and again. All the trappings of domesticity, love and a partnered life ooze tempting, luxurious stability for girls (and guys) seeking to capture the golden cascade of “settling down” and growing up.

Marriage has morphed into nothing more than a possibly boring and domestic Valhalla for the wearied single warriors who decided to give up the holy ghost of singlehood.  Yet, what was so great about being single? The newly divorced would reply: “What was so great about being married?”

Yet, marriage remains all the rage.

Then, people wail, “Oh Lord – what about the children? Oh…the children?!”

Let me tell you, as a child of divorce – the kids will be alright. As long as Mom and Dad aren’t beating each other with bats or forcing kids to do icky things (like choose sides or homes), divorce has become something children expect silly adults to do these days.

People marry for love (sometimes), but they really should be marrying for divorce. Or, at least that is what should be part of the equation. How comfortable are you with this person not being your husband (or wife)? Could you keep it together if this person decided to divorce you?

How well can you divorce this person?

I bet no one ever asks those questions. We’re too busy deciding between egg cream or satin white for invitation paper colors. Life is too short to figure out when we’ll not be in love with “the one.”