Photo Credit: EJP Photo @ Flickr
I had a good friend once. We even roomed together during our senior year of college. Then, like some bad instance of Murphy’s Law, our relationship fell apart. I can’t remember the details, but I think it involved a boy. Or boys.
When there are boys involved, there’s always trouble.
Broken relationships can be hard on people. Especially when you are aloof and reserved like me. I mourned our (lost) relationship for quite some time. In ways, I still do.
It’s hard to revisit that part of your life. At some time, somewhere, somebody really knew you. Then, they decided they didn’t want to anymore. It’s tough. It’s more than simple rejection.Unlike romantic relationships, your good friends are supposed to be there through thick and thin.
That can be tough to swallow when someone decides they’ve had enough of you.
In any case, I’ve had to deal with my own foibles, hang ups and issues. We all do. But, your friends can be those free therapists, counselors and cheerleaders that prop you up when you are down.
No one ever says support systems are overrated.
Now, I find myself having to be less picky and more forgiving. I’ve had to change my own ways before I expected to remain friends with people. I’ve had to trust more, reserve less of myself. Be loyal. Be understanding. I have to show vulnerability. That’s not easy to do.
The incentives of friendship with others are not always so readily apparent. We feel around in the dark, blind to the possibilities. For others, the connections are taken for granted. Or, we don’t recognize when we have them at all.
My weaknesses as a friend have taught me more than I wanted to learn about myself. Broken relationships do that. Instead of steering blame on the other person, you should figure out the common (and constant) denominator.
You.
Things fall apart, as (sometimes) they should. But no matter what, you can learn how your own hang ups caused a relationship to break in half. Sometimes, it’s instinctive. Other times, you are dealing with things the best way you knew how with what you knew at the time. And, in other cases, you are a fool.
Being foolish doesn’t necessarily make you friendless. But being friendless can certainly make you lonely. So, don’t (always) try to pretend you’re better off without certain people in your life. Sometimes, you’re not.
And, that’s being a fool.