5 Tips for Networking Introverts (Shy People Wanted)

Networking, social or otherwise, can be a daunting task for shy and introverted people.

Let me clarify, there are subtle differences between shy folks and their introverted cousins.

Shyness is a state of mind in which someone is uncomfortable around people in any given situation (whether in crowds or with individuals). In contrast, Introverts don’t mind being by themselves (and, actually tend to favor

Photo Credit: Maddest Hatter @Flickr

it). Introverts concentrate on the idea of one on one.

That’s a lot more personal and a whole lot more intimate. Relationship building requires that Introverts take time, (which they prefer) in getting to know people.

Extroverts may know a lot more people, but it comes with the territory of being a thrill seeking, crowd lover (sorry Extroverts!). This is not to suggest that our extroverted brethren are incapable of building deep, meaningful relationships based on trust – it just happens in different ways (mainly because Extroverts are so open with EVERYBODY!).

In short, Extroverts sell the idea of themselves while Introverts sell the idea of a relationship. So, if you are an Introvert, don’t feel jealous because you are not the life of the party or if everyone wants to talk to Mr. or Ms. Extrovert before you. Introverts are no shrinking violets and don’t have to be social wall flowers! Take the time to implement these quick rules if you want to vamp up your (Introverted) networking skills:

Don’t guess – talk.

Introverts (and shy folks included) have a really amazing talent for analyzation. They hate being forced to guess – this represents their inner desire to perform as little conjecture when executing plans, strategies or problem solving. Unfortunately, Introverts believe that method of thinking should be applied to EVERYTHING. Talking is action – you won’t get much from analyzing in your head what you could be saying. Don’t over think subjects or second-guess if what you might say will sound stupid. Spit it out – trust me, it won’t sound as dumb as you think (and if it does, hey – at least you opened your mouth).

Relax, relate, release!

Calm down- don’t take everything so seriously! There isn’t an omniscient Networking God grading you on your performance. Getting to know people can be a little weird at first, but once conversation has begun, just go with the flow.

There’s no wrong way to get to know people, but there’s plenty of right ways to do it. Gabbing with people begins with a simple “Hi, how are ya?” Depending on the situation, you can always ask more questions. If meeting people for the first time, try to find a way to relate to them.

Ask them questions – if you’ve already managed to engage someone in conversation, it means they’re just as interested in talking to you as well. This is an opportunity to let a person get to know a little bit about you - this is no time to start being cagey.

Don’t be bored.

Bored people can be boring. Are you boring? No, let’s hope not. Always try to be engaged in your own life. Do something fun and interesting (to you, that is) and be sure to let people know about it. This gives you something to talk about as well as a point of reference when certain topics of conversation arise.

Introverts tend to think they won’t have anything cool to say or that the other party will lose interest in them if they aren’t glamorous, interesting or the BFF of Paris Hilton. SO WHAT?! If someone has the gumption to say you are boring, consider yourself lucky that you found out what kind of cad they are in the early stages of the getting-to-know you process.

Then, step away quickly. Don’t be too upset though; there are plenty of people who will find you fascinating.

Try wild cards.

Sometimes, conversations end up tanking. I’m sorry Introverts, they do. You may get a *social drone* or a person you may have trouble connecting with, or the dialogue just dries up.

That’s OK. All conversations end at some point. But, if it’s an awkward pause, try mentioning something off topic or change the subject altogether. Mention NPR’s interview with Eric Cartman or ask what they think about a world event (but don’t be too political, however) – talk about web surfing!

If you are interested in keeping the conversation going, don’t be afraid to veer off course a bit.

If all else fails…

Find a shy person. You know who they are – they’re usually the person by the hors d’œuvre table who is overly interested in the chips -n- dip. You can chat them up in their familiar shy speak and have an engaging night talking to someone with a (somewhat) similar social temperament, if you choose.

*Social Drone -

You may run into these peculiar creatures. These individuals are usually polite, law-abiding citizens, but are on social autopilot when people are trying to connect with them via conversation.

Usually, a social drone will just stand there allowing you to lead the conversation with the questions you come up with, however, never once offering a leading question of their own or actively engaging in the dialogue to make it interesting on your end.

If there is an awkward pause, and the social drone doesn’t recover with a leading comment or question, use it as a much-needed escape to go find another more “stimulating” soul to talk to or go to the bathroom instead.

Please note: Social drones tend to be extremely shy introverts who have yet to discover their inner networking skills.